Define Me.

It is hard for me to fathom life without my precious kids. So it's funny that only 4 short years ago, I really debated having children.  In fact from 16 years of age on, I had my mind made up - no kids.

Please don't misunderstand me, I have always loved kids. Growing up I babysat, contemplated an early education degree, actually enjoy noisy toys, and love spending time with other people's kids (and was always sad when I had to leave them and go home). So yes, my decision for 10 plus years to not have kids is odd.

But let me explain further, it really upset my little sisters.  If there was a button I could push, telling them I would never have kids... pushed it! Big time.  So that was how it started.  It's true that once you make up un-truth in your head, you start believing it to be a truth.

So that was my truth... for a long time.  Graham was concerned, but happily married me anyways. It wasn't until a few years into married life that I was called out on my un-truth at a conference in front of way to many people.  From that day forward, I  recognized the un-truth and decided that maybe kids would be ok.

I said ok, not fabulous, I had a few stipulations:
1. I would never define myself as a "Mom". 
2. I would never drive a mini-van. 
3. I would never be found with gum in my hair.

Ridiculous, right?  I actually stated the above to people.  A little embarrassing looking back.

I can discuss my embarrassing past because when I held Ellison for the first time, my fears and concerns were gone forever.  Those un-truths were just that, not true.

And over the last three years, I have often thought about that list and how certain I was about it. It makes me laugh... at myself.  Please define me as a mother. I want to be defined as a mother.  Having children is the best gift.

On a little side note, about #2... I still can not face a mini-van.  Graham and I just traded in his car, and the pressure was on.  Baby steps... we bought a station wagon instead.